We need to talk. I’ve been thinking about us a lot, and I just want you to know that you’re great. I mean, you’re really, really great. WE were great for so long. What, like 15 months on and off but mostly on? Yeah, you're amazing. I learned so much from you. You showed me how to have more vegetables in my life. You were there for me when I wanted to have a crazy binge, and you taught me how to spread my meals over the course of a day.
But I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do us. It’s just all too much. All the rules: no dessert, no pasta, no alcohol, no chocolate, no TACOS. When I go to Chipotle, I am only allowed to have a salad with carnitas. I can never get the steak! Do you know how much I love their steak? Do you know how much I love tortillas?
I just can’t do it. Listen, it’s not you; it’s me. It’s just that this isn’t how I want to live my life anymore. You were what I needed 15 months ago, but you’re not what I need now. I’ve grown up. I’ve matured. I’ve learned a lot about food and a lot about myself. I’ve decided what I want for my life. We only have one life to live, and I can never have any fun when I’m with you. I look back on the past year, and I never got to eat bread. What kind of a life is that? If I am with you, I can’t have bread?? That’s so ridiculous. It’s suffocating. You’re just too restrictive for me. I need more freedom. I need more variety in my life.
You can’t say this was unexpected. It was never meant to be long-term. It was only supposed to be 30 days. After 30 days, I was supposed to try new foods again, but I never did that. I tried to hold on to you for so much longer. I tried to make this a Whole365ForeverForTheRestofMyLife instead of just a Whole30. I can't be in a long-term relationship with you anymore, and I have no need for a short-term thing. I want more in life.
So I do need to tell you one more thing. I want it to come from me before you see it on my Facebook. There is someone else. I am just going to learn how to eat in moderation. I know, I know. I left moderation to go to perfectionist you, but I just think moderation works better for me for life. I can have a little of everything. I want pizza in my life. I want sweetener in my coffee. Whole30, I work out so much now. I know I didn’t do that when we first started and that’s why we worked so well back then. I just need more carbs than I’ve been eating with you. I live in the south now. I want to have chicken and waffles every now and then! And for goodness' sake, I miss cheese. I keep telling myself I can do without it, but these spaghetti squash bakes would be so much more amazing with some melted cheese! And for breakfast? I am going to have pancakes. There. I said it. I’m going to have freaking pancakes for breakfast. And I am going to put syrup and peanut butter on them. I’m not allowed to do that under your strict rules. I think this freedom will be really good for me. It's what I want and need right now. I want to learn how to live a life with pancakes.
Listen, I know all that sounds crazy, but I promise you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going to be snacking all day. I’m not going to binge. I’m not going to forget everything you taught me. I am still going to eat nutrient-dense foods. I am still going to focus on protein, vegetables, carbs, and fat. I am still going to focus on portion control. I just need a different way to do it. In fact, I think I will do better with portion control with moderation eating. I need to make sure I am properly fueling my workouts while enjoying the food I eat. Moderation helps me make sure I am eating enough carbs and a variety of carbs. I can’t keep eating sweet potatoes every day like I do when I’m with you. I think that’s it- it really comes down to the variety that moderation gives me that you can’t. I can’t have even have quinoa or brown rice with you. And you can’t give me post-workout chocolate peanut butter shakes. I mean, I can’t have peanut butter at all when I’m with you!
So listen, I am still going to be using some of your recipes. Your Shepherd’s Pie? Amazing. Your hearty chili? Well I’m going to add some beans to it. And the mayo? Yeah, I will probably make my own ranch dressings every now and then, but moderation eating will help me be more mindful of how much to use on tuna salad. And the cookbook was a gift. I'm keeping it. It’s mine. I will forever add vegetables to most of my meals, but I am not going to feel guilty anymore if I don’t have vegetables for breakfast. I think people at work will like me more for not having broccoli in the morning.
So I just wanted to say thank you for all you’ve done for me in 2015, but I need to move on. 2016 is my year. I am going to be stronger, leaner, and smarter. I am going to be in control of my food choices. I am going to have a cocktail every now and then. And I am going to eat pancakes for breakfast.
ps. Paul ate these pancakes and LOVED THEM. Oh yeah, Paul and I are fine. :)
Recipe for protein pancakes:
1/2 ripe banana and 1/4 banana for topping
1 scoop of vanilla protein powder
splash of milk of your choice
sprinkle of cinnamon
1 tsp of maple syrup
1 tsp of peanut butter
1/2 tsp oil of your choice (I use coconut or olive oil.)
Directions: Begin by mashing the banana in a bowl with a fork. Mix in the egg, protein powder, milk, and cinnamon until no lumps. Heat a skillet with the oil. Poor 1/2 of your batter into the skillet and watch for it to bubble and then flip it! Repeat with the remaining batter.
For the topping: Pour maple syrup into a teaspoon. Seriously. You don't need that much syrup. These are sweet already! By pouring onto a teaspoon, you can see how much syrup you are actually using. Drizzle over the pancakes. Microwave 1 teaspoon of peanut butter. Seriously. 1 teaspoon will go far! Drizzle over the pancakes. Slice up 1/4 of a banana into very thin slices.
Enjoy! Great for breakfast or dessert.