We set the alarm to wake up early, but I didn't get out of bed. I think I have been relying on Paul to be the one to push us to actually get out and get up. He still felt a little tired this morning and wanted to rest more. I rrrrreally wanted to get back to Body Beast. I miss it! So with Paul's permission, I carried on without him. And his promise that he would do it tonight on his own. I work until 10:30pm tonight at my other job, so a morning workout is my only option!! Working out is a priority and non-negotiable for me, so I scheduled it into my schedule. It has to happen! I rolled out of bed, drank my pre-workout, and ran downstairs to our gym.
It was my first day doing Body Beast by myself. It was fun to rely on me and no one else. I had to pay close attention to what Sagi was doing because Paul was not there to coddle me. As much as I like to be coddled, I know the way I really learn is by imperfectly doing things and learning from them. Sagi moves really fast and it's hard to keep up. I didn't let that bother me. I pressed pause on my phone when I needed to. I had to take a few extra breaks. I pushed myself to use the heaviest weights my body could handle. I love getting stronger. I was sweating ridiculously.
But a photo of my belly?? Yeah. I've been talking to the ladies in my group about our bodies, the scale, when we feel bloated, and when we feel not so good about ourselves.
I am eating 2200 calories on Body Beast and 9 servings of carbs. I am in the "bulk" phase right now. I am going to be bloated. I am going to gain weight. I am not looking at the scale. I am not worrying if my pants feel tighter. I am trusting the process. I am not having a binge fest on food. I am eating what the program tells me to eat. I have learned that when I follow Beachbody programs, I get the results I am looking for. When I only kinda sorta follow the program, I get kinda sorta results. So yeah, my stomach is going to be a little bloated. I am not going to see my belly transforming into abs right now. It's not the purpose of the program right now. I am learning how to lift weights. The lean part of the program comes later. So I am not cutting calories, I am not cheating, and I am not binging. My body will adjust, and I will be fine. That means for this month and next month, my stomach is going to look like this, 😑and I am okay with it.
When I was training for the marathon, I told myself to not stress about food or my body but just focus on the race and eating enough food to fuel my workout. It is so flipping freeing to enjoy the workout and enjoy the journey rather than tracking calories and worrying about food and food guilt and if my abs are perfect.
We all struggle with that. I worry that I will worry come March when I cut calories again, and then I remind myself p.s. I love you and that I really, really will be okay. I am learning to trust myself.