When a guy on the internet tries to mansplain things to me about food, bodies, and weight issues.
Sooo.. listen guy, I’ve been in my body for 33 years.
The first time I thought I was fat was in 3rd grade.
The first time I cried about the size of my thighs was in 4th grade.
The first time I restricted food was in 7th grade. A friend’s mom had the military diet posted on her fridge, and I thought only eating grapefruit was the way to go. That evening I gave in an ate everything in sight.
The first time I saw "success" with a diet was when I was 29 years old. I had a list of perfect foods I was allowed to eat. Absolutely no sugar. And I followed this plan to a T. It was then followed by an enormous binge of every processed food that I had abstained from.
And then, because I was afraid of myself and didn't trust myself around food, I only knew to trust the perfect meal plan, I repeated this cycle of restricting until I binged over and over and over. It was fucking hell trying to only eat perfect foods.
It took 4 years of inner work to recover from that diet. Four years to stop being afraid of food.
I learned that if you're afraid of food, you're probably afraid of your body.
When I worked on not being afraid of food, I also worked on not fearing the imperfections on my body.
The first time I looked at my imperfect body and was ok with its imperfections was this year.
LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN: The very first time in my whole life that I looked at my body and was okay with it was when I was 33 years old.
It took me 33 years to be okay with myself.
So yeah, it freaking sucks that there is a lot of processed food out there. But I don’t care anymore. I eat processed food. Yum. Fearing food, fearing our imperfect bodies… we restrict and then we binge and then we repeat that cycle a million times.
I’m happier living in an imperfect body than stressing the fuck out about having perfect foods all the time.